5 Things Other Funeral Homes Won’t Tell You

One of Wildflower Funeral Concepts’ core values is transparency. It is one of the things that makes us different. The funeral industry historically likes to be shrouded in mystery. This can leave people feeling uneasy when it comes to working with a funeral home. At Wildflower, our vision is to heal relationships with death, so we are committed to lifting those veils and allowing everyone to see death as a necessary part of life. We have taken up the sacred responsibility of serving in a way that honors a life while being caring, healing and even sometimes joyful.

This goal of this blog post is to take some common misunderstandings about the funeral industry and shed some light on them. It is also to highlight some of the ways we believe Wildflower is different from most traditional funeral homes and discount cremation providers. After working a combined 30+ years in funeral service in Whatcom County, Team Wildflower set out to do this work differently. To do things the way we think they ought to be done. We took things that perhaps we didn’t have the power to do differently in the past and wove them into the fabric of how we care for the families that we serve.

1.        Prepaid funeral plans belong to the person that made them, not the funeral home.

We commonly hear “I wish I had known about Wildflower earlier, but I have already paid for my funeral arrangements at another funeral home”. Pre-planning for funeral services is an important thing to do. When you pay in advance for your funeral arrangements, your money does not go to that funeral home. It is a federal regulation that your money is placed in a third-party funding vehicle (such as a trust or funeral specific insurance product). This is to protect YOU. If you move out of state, if the funeral home goes out of business, if you change your mind and decide to use a different provider; those funds belong to YOU. You can transfer them to any funeral provider you choose at any time. Why isn’t this something other funeral homes want you to know? Well, they are banking on the fact that people assume their funds are stuck where they are and that those funds can’t be moved to another funeral provider. And guess what?!  It works! A lot of people don’t understand that their prepaid funeral plan is their asset, and they can do with it as they please.

At Wildflower, each person that comes to us to talk about prearrangements is given this information. We explain plainly and precisely that while you are coming to us for help and guidance in preplanning, if you choose to prepay, that money does not belong to us. It belongs to you. You should have the most accurate information in making such an important decision and withholding that information is unethical.

2.        Many basic services are not “industry standard”.

Something not often spoken about in the funeral industry is the way that bodies are handled. Once in the care of a funeral home, most decedents are tightly wrapped in a plastic pouch that is closed with packing tape. Their name, date of death and identification number are written in permanent marker on the plastic and then they are placed in refrigeration. Unless that person is going to be viewed, embalmed, or dressed, that is where they remain until they are transported to their place of final disposition.

If embalming and/or dressing are not specifically requested (and paid for), the person is not washed. They are left in whatever garments they arrived in, which are often soiled. One of the first conversations we had as a team at Wildflower was about this exact thing. Every person that comes into our care is carefully bathed, their hair is washed and if there is the ability for them to be dressed (terramation and aquamation do not allow clothing to accompany the deceased) they are dressed and placed back in refrigeration wrapped in a clean bedsheet until it is time to go on their final journey. The only time plastic sheeting is used is when circumstances outside of our control make it necessary for the health and safety of our team.

This is the kind of treatment that we would expect for our own families. When you choose Wildflower, this is the level of care we deliver each and every time. To us, it is a sacred privilege to administer the last act of care someone will receive, and we don’t take that charge lightly.

3.        Embalming is not the default method of preservation nor is it required.

People are often under the assumption that every body is embalmed. This is not true. In Washington State, once in the care of a funeral home, one of two things must happen: refrigeration or embalming. Embalming is a personal choice and can only be done with express written authorization by the legal next of kin. The default method of temporary preservation is refrigeration. And, in the cases of terramation and green burial, embalming is prohibited.

At Wildflower, we have the ability to embalm but we prefer to educate. It is not as necessary as a lot of funeral professionals will have you believe. When embalming is chosen, we use products with the lowest exposure chemicals, including a line of “green” embalming products, as well as formaldehyde-free options. We do this because we prioritize our environmental impact, the health and safety of our team, along with the needs and wishes of those we serve.

4.        Unembalmed viewings are possible and, in many cases, an even better experience.

Embalming is only required for extremely specific and fairly rare circumstances. There are times when embalming makes sense, but ultimately, it comes down to personal preference. However, don’t ever let embalming, or lack thereof, be a deterrent against viewing. Don’t allow someone to talk you into embalming if a viewing is something you would like. The notion that embalming is required for viewing is false.

Some examples where embalming might be a good choice are:

·      It was the express wish of the person who has passed due to religious reasons or their own personal preference.

·      There is going to be an extended delay from the time of passing until the time of viewing. Most often, this occurs when a family member needs time to make travel arrangements to say goodbye.

·      The decedent will be shipped out of the state or out of the country for their final disposition. Embalming may or may not be a requirement but could be beneficial depending on the circumstances.

·      The circumstances of the passing were of a traumatic nature and embalming will produce the best situation for a viewing. This again is not a requirement but is a personal choice that must be made by the legal next of kin.

·      Services or rituals that extend beyond 24 hours, which is the maximum amount of time that an unembalmed body can be kept out of refrigeration according to state law. However, in such cases, dry ice or Techni Ice can be used as a legal form of temporary preservation if embalming is not desired.

Some funeral homes will encourage families that in order to have the best experience for a viewing, embalming must or should be done. At Wildflower not only do we believe this to be false but in most cases, the opposite is true. We believe it to be a largely unnecessary process that is often used to inflate costs to the family and increase revenue for the funeral home. It may be a useful process in specific circumstances but should be used conservatively to protect our team, our environment and the pocketbooks of those we serve.

We believe that a viewing can be a healthy and necessary part of grieving, so we include it for everyone we serve at no extra cost. At a traditional funeral home, not only would you be paying for the time and space for a viewing, but you would also need to pay for either an embalming or “preparation of unembalmed remains”. We include basic preparation and a viewing for anyone who wants it.

In general, an unembalmed viewing gives the family a better sense of who their loved one actually was rather than a more artificial and sanitized look. Embalming is a very specialized process and takes a lot of experience and finesse to achieve a desirable result. Unless a precise case analysis is performed and conditions leading to the cause of death are known, even a skilled embalmer may have challenges achieving as natural of a result as an unembalmed viewing.

5.        Your funeral directors are regular people.

Funeral directors commonly hear that being in the funeral industry must desensitize or “harden” us against the reality of death. Nothing can be further from the truth for Team Wildflower. We stay conscious of the work grief calls people to do so that we can work from a place of sincerity and empathy. We are here to hold space for you, to cry with you and listen to you. In the past, being a funeral director came with an air of stoicism. Now it is rooted in authenticity and care. We take joy in the sacred trust of working with families during their hardest times.

After our work is done, we are still here for you. You may have questions and need support long after our services are needed. We are always here to provide you with answers and guidance. If we don’t know the answer, we have resources and relationships with a wide range of helpful folks just waiting to lend their expertise.

Also, we enjoy connecting with people. Our interactions are intense but brief. We feel a real sense of loss when we finish working with a family. So, if you see us out and about in the world, having a stroll with our dogs, at the grocery store or just in line for a coffee, say hello! If you find yourself in the neighborhood, stop by for a cup of tea. We are always here for you.