8 Strange Victorian Mourning Traditions You’re Glad We Dropped

A Wildflower Funeral Concepts Blog Post The Victorians felt their grief — and they weren’t afraid to show it.

Mourning in the 1800s wasn’t just a feeling. It was a lifestyle. An entire etiquette system existed around death: how long you should grieve, what you should wear, where you could go, and even how to behave on your front porch.

Some of it was deeply touching. Much of it was... a little strange.

Here are 8 strange Victorian mourning traditions that we’re (mostly) glad have faded with time — and a few that still hold a kernel of meaning in how we grieve today.

1. Mourning Dress Codes That Lasted Years

A widow was expected to wear black for up to two and a half years — with strict rules about fabrics and how/when to transition to “half mourning” colors like lavender or gray. No sparkle. No socializing. No fun.

Today? We still wear black to funerals, but thankfully, grief is no longer color-coded.

2. Jewelry Made from Human Hair

Lockets with a loved one’s hair weren’t unusual — but many Victorians went further, creating intricate braided necklaces, earrings, and wreaths out of actual hair. It was sentimental, yes — but also... a little ghostly.

Today? Keepsake jewelry remains popular, just usually without the follicle involvement.

3. Post-Mortem Photography

Before cameras were common, families would hire photographers to capture one last portrait after someone had passed — often posing the body to look alive. Sometimes eyes were painted on the photo after the fact. Eerie, but often the only photo ever taken of that person.

Today? We focus on celebrating memories while people are living — though end-of-life photography still exists in a much gentler, more respectful form.

4. Mourning Stationery & Business Cards

There was a whole market for black-bordered stationery, envelopes, and calling cards that announced a household was in mourning — like sending out a grief press release.

Today? We might send a Facebook post, a text, or a group email. (Less formal, more immediate.)

5. Draping Mirrors in Black

It was common to cover all mirrors in the home after a death — to avoid trapping the spirit, or seeing the dead person’s reflection. Spooky superstition? Yes. But also a symbolic way to reflect the gravity of loss.

Today? We might not cover mirrors, but we do still find it hard to look ourselves in the eye during grief — something the Victorians may have understood better than we think.

6. “Death Rooms” in the House

In wealthier households, the parlor or a guest bedroom became the designated space for viewings — essentially turning part of the home into a funeral chapel.

Today? Many people are returning to home vigils and natural farewells, but thankfully with less rigid formality.

7. Professional Mourners

In some parts of Victorian society (especially among the elite or theatrical), professional mourners could be hired to wail, cry, and put on an emotional show at funerals. Grief, quite literally, became performance art.

Today? We honor authenticity over theatrics — but we still respect those who are unafraid to weep publicly.

8. Mourning Timelines That Controlled Your Life

The expectations were intense. Widows were discouraged from remarrying too soon. Daughters could be shunned for attending a social event “too early.” You could be labeled cold — or improper — simply for trying to live again.

Today? We honor that grief takes time... but also that it’s not a one-size-fits-all process. We move forward how and when we need to — without the scolding glances of polite society.

Looking Back to Move ForwardWhile these traditions seem strange now, they also remind us that humans have always tried to make meaning out of loss — and that mourning, in all its forms, deserves space.

At Wildflower, we believe the most beautiful traditions are the ones that feel personal, intentional, and authentic to you — even if they don’t involve braided hair or black gloves.

🌿 ABOUT WILDFLOWER FUNERAL CONCEPTS

Wildflower Funeral Concepts is a modern, eco-friendly funeral home in Ferndale, Washington, serving Whatcom County and beyond. We offer green burial, aquamation, terramation, cremation, veterans services, grief support, and funeral pre-planning — all grounded in compassion, community, and a love for this Earth. Whether you’re navigating loss or planning